Need a job. Need a getaway. Need to be alone. Need to spend time with endeared ones. Need people who care, let me know they care. Need people to stop being fake. Need the brother to stop MIA-ing. Need to know more people. Need the assumptions to just stop. Need to be more independent when it comes to emotions. Need to fucking sort everything out. Need to clear everything away.

I remember when I was love sick. You block out everyone. You feel so tired, because you haven’t slept in forever. You know he’ll be in your dreams but you don’t want to stay awake laying in your bed crying either. You’re starving, but you can’t eat because you’re starving for him and every memory just leaves you with a bigger hole in your heart. Even your clothes reminds you of him, what you wore when you hung out. You can still smell them all over him, even though his scent hasn’t been there for long. You wish his scent would be stuck on you, but you know you’d be pulling at your skin trying to get him off you. You’re online, he signs on, and you want to scream at him to go away, but you just watch the screen waiting for him to say anything, but then he signs off, and you tear yourself apart for not saying anything to him. You stop talking to your friends, and they get worried and try comforting you, but they just make you feel worse because they think they know, but they don’t have a damn clue.

 


Ugh, I'm so angry. So angsty. So annoyed. So irritated. What the fuck is wrong, I have no idea. All I wanna do these days is to just lay in bed and do nothing at all. All I want is someone whom I can call anytime and they'll be there. I need someone like that, now.

All I want is things to be back like before. Before the relationship started. Just back to square one. Friends.